From the barista who remembers your order to the neighbour you pass each morning, the casual acquaintances in your life – known as “consequential strangers” – can quietly enrich your wellbeing. Here are six gentle ways to deepen those everyday connections.
The term “consequential strangers” was coined by American academic Karen Fingerman, whose research found that people flourish when their lives are populated by a variety of relationships – not just close family and friends, but the warm, low-stakes ties of regular acquaintances. Author Melinda Blau, who turned the research into the book Consequential Strangers: Turning Everyday Encounters into Life-Changing Moments, suggests these peripheral bonds anchor us in the world and broaden our sense of community. Below, she shares six simple ways to nurture them.
Six gentle ways to dive deeper
- Be open-minded
Look around without judgement and view everyone you regularly interact with as potentially intriguing to talk to.
- Use body language
Throwing a warm smile someone’s way conveys an openness to talk. A little eye contact sends the same message.
- Offer a compliment
Don’t be afraid of making the first move with a compliment about the person (their sense of style, for example), but only if you’re genuine with it. Melinda cautions that trying hard and forcing yourself aren’t the best bets in this game.
- Find common ground
Once the initial greetings are over, finding shared interests can keep the conversation going.
- Take it slowly
It’s imperative to remember that slow and steady wins the race. Let the conversations and interactions flow as they come.
- Follow your instincts
After an initial chat, decide whether you’d like to carry on or put a kind but clear barrier in place for next time. As Melinda puts it, ‘not every stranger is worth getting to know’, so save your energy for those that are.
Words: Matthew Burgos
This article was originally published under the title Stranger Things in Issue 54 – As you are. – View Magazine
