Few get through life without encountering a curveball or two, but how can you feel more confident in your ability to cope with whatever comes your way?
The thought that you won’t be able to cope if life gets super stressful and things go wrong is unnerving, worrying – even frightening. It can also limit opportunities, undermine self-belief and encourage never-ending doomsday scenarios. Yet it’s a belief that, once ingrained, is difficult to shake off – but not impossible.
Try these five ways to increase inner strength, and feel your resilience build.
Take care of yourself
To be able to cope well when life takes a nosedive, you need to be mentally and emotionally strong – which means self-care. Make sleep a priority, eat a well-balanced diet comprising a rainbow of colours, don’t beat yourself up about things that you said or left unsaid, spend time outdoors, stretch, go to the movies – do what you enjoy and find energising. It might mean making time to read quietly every day, going to a yoga class twice a week or having a regular night out with friends – everyone’s different. Life is difficult enough when your personal battery runs low, so try to remember to keep topping it up. This way it will be fully charged when things get tricky.
Really feel it
Giving yourself permission to feel your emotions, rather than denying or pushing them away, respects and validates them – and offers a way forward. While few want to feel scared, sad, unsure or angry, pretending that a challenging or painful event isn’t happening is unlikely to make distressing thoughts and feelings go away. Recognising and acknowledging that they are difficult but real can increase your ability to navigate them in the future. Show yourself the compassion you would a friend in a similar situation.
Step outside your comfort zone
Just outside it is the stretch zone, where you push yourself to try something uncomfortable but not terrifying. To build your coping capability, encourage yourself to do things a little stretchy – every time you try a new activity or do something difficult, unknown or challenging, you’re building resilience.
You’re showing yourself you can take on, and deal with, challenges. It won’t always work out and you might falter – that’s a natural part of life. But the experience offers a chance to acknowledge and reward your effort and this in itself can help to strengthen resilience. You’re building a bank of experiences that demonstrate your capability. So, whether it’s volunteering to give a presentation, signing up for a 10km fun run, eating in a restaurant alone or entering a creative writing competition, challenge yourself to try something stretchy.
Take control of what you can
When you’re in the middle of a challenging situation, look for what you can and can’t control. Aspects over which you have no power can feel unnerving and scary. Railing against what you can’t influence or spending time and energy wishing it was different are natural reactions, but they might leave you more frustrated and upset. Instead, try to work out the areas where you do have influence, no matter how small they may seem in the bigger picture. Take action in these areas.
Reach out
Look around for help and support. The myth that those who are better able to cope are independent folk who just do it all alone is exactly that – a myth. Resilient people know it’s okay to ask for help, be vulnerable and seek support from wherever and whoever feels appropriate. It doesn’t equal weakness – everyone needs help throughout life. Having people to lean on, talk to and cry with when things get tough will give you a greater chance of dealing with any challenges and emerging from them in better shape than if you’d tried to soldier on alone.
