Ending an animal’s life, when the time has come, is a morally and emotionally complex decision. Learn how to decide when the time is right.
People who think of animals as more than “only” and “just” know that the creatures they bring into their homes will find a firm place in their hearts. The trust and love pets show can be a potent feel-good factor, and that feeling is often amplified when the animal has never previously known love.
Watching a weary, scared, and scarred soul blossom brings immense rewards, including joy. I cried each time the old cat my mother adopted last year hit significant milestones – by which I mean the first time he played, the first time he realised food would be plentiful, so there was no need to gulp it down while looking over his shoulder, and the first time he head-butted my shin, having worked out that this elicited more pats.
The spiritual relationship we have with non-human companions dates back tens of thousands of years. Estimates vary so wildly as to when exactly they became our pals that it’s almost pointless speculating. John Bradshaw, an animal-welfare scientist and author of many books, including The Animals Among Us, Cat Sense, and Dog Sense, suggests it goes back at least 50,000 years, while other experts in the field of human-animal interactions (termed anthrozoology) say it is more recent, perhaps between 33,000 and 11,000. What they agree on, however, is that the first beasts to be domesticated were wolves – the ancestors of our species’ best friend, the dog.
Over the millennia, the bond between humans and animals has become more sophisticated and complex. While the earliest people originally tamed creatures for service – as protectors, to keep pests at bay, to help them hunt, and for food and clothing – over time the relationship changed. For billions of people throughout the world, animals are no longer dispensable beasts of burden but deeply loved members of the family – surrogate children, even. Not everyone is joking when they refer to their cats or dogs as fur babies.
Pets deserve all the love your heart contains, but to quote Shakespeare’s Othello, it is possible to love ‘not wisely, but too well’, particularly when a beloved companion becomes seriously ill and it is enormously difficult to let them go. Of course, you want to do your best for them, and in such situations, it is easy to assume that this equates to helping them to live as long a life as possible, even if that means putting them through countless medical procedures. This, after all, is how many people approach their own illnesses, and those of their human family. It is an approach that is supported by most legal, medical, and societal systems, whose aim is to prolong life, even if that sometimes impacts enormously on the quality of existence.
It’s natural to extend that thinking to the management of a pet’s sickness. Animals are often a person’s best friend, and it can sometimes be hard to treat them differently from humans, but it is important to do so – because their life is in your hands. They are entirely dependent on you and your vet to accept that, sometimes, there is no more that can be done, and to ensure they have a peaceful death, however excruciating that might be for you. And giving up on hoping for a miracle doesn’t mean giving up on them.
Rather, it shows that however difficult and painful the decision to say goodbye, you can put your pet’s wellbeing before everything else.
‘When I look into the eyes of an animal, I do not see an animal. I see a living being. I see a friend. I feel a soul’ ~ Anthony Douglas Williams
To my eternal regret, I learned this lesson only after subjecting one of our family cats to more treatment than was appropriate. Three years ago, our little guy developed a mass in his gut. The first vet thought it was a tumour, and advised euthanasia. We sought a second opinion and had a biopsy done, which showed that the tumour wasn’t malignant and could be removed by what was described as hero surgery – a highly specialised and enormously expensive operation. The cat made an excellent recovery and the slow chipping away at the debt we had accrued was a price we willingly accepted. For two years, his condition was managed with daily medication. His regular vet was so pleased with his progress that he lowered the dosage.
Unfortunately, the mass grew back. We decided to repeat the same operation – now much more perilous and difficult. Before we could do that, however, the animal had to have a blood transfusion. He came home weakened and unwell and on a new regime of harsh drugs. Blinded by medical advice, hope, and our determination to restore him to health, we ignored our gut feelings and the message he was so obviously communicating – that he’d had enough. We continued with the drugs, which caused further struggles for him. He died two weeks later, after everyone had left the house.
His last month of life still haunts me. It is something I can only look back on with anguish. In wanting him to live so very, very much, we veered off course from doing what was best for him, which would have been to euthanise him soon after the mass had grown back again and long before it had started to impinge on his quality of life. It amazes me how we carried on thinking he could be operated on again. As renowned vet Robin Hargreaves says: ‘Performing gentle, humane euthanasia and giving an animal a peaceful end to life is far preferable to prolonged suffering.’ It is, in fact, the ultimate demonstration of love.
Knowing when to say goodbye
Animals are excellent communicators, and they will let you know when they are ready to go. Find out as much as you can to help you and your pet through the process.
- Don’t leave it until your animal suffers
It’s better to euthanise before you reach that point, and before it becomes an emergency. That way, you can prepare and make the last day special. If your pet is still able to enjoy food, play, wander their yard or garden, or go for a walk, you can manage the day before accordingly. You will still feel enormous loss, but your final memories will be peaceful ones. - Think about the day itself
Would you like to be present? Would you prefer to say goodbye at home? Some vets will come to your house so the process is comfortable and stress-free. Often, vets will administer a tranquiliser to calm the animal in preparation for the final injection. Once that is given, death normally follows – peacefully – within seconds. - Consider a physical remembrance
You can decide to have your pet cremated, so you can keep or scatter their ashes or bury them in their favourite spot to sit at home. Do what makes you feel better – keep a toy or collar, put up a memorial stone. - And after?
The decision to adopt another animal is entirely personal, and you will know when the time is right for you. Some people do so almost immediately, while others need longer before welcoming another pet into their hearts. Neither is a reflection of a person’s ongoing grief. When you are ready to love again, there will be another animal ready to help you heal. It is never a case of replacing – for me, the space in my heart occupied by my pet is still theirs. What happens is, my heart grows to accommodate my new companion.
If you are grieving for a pet or facing loss, you’re not alone. Griefline and Pets and People both provide confidential pet bereavement support services. Visit griefline.org.au or petsandpeople.com.au for more information.
