Louise Keech shares her experience with OCD, highlighting how self-love and non-judgement guided her healing
My first memory of OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder) is vividly etched in my mind: the relentless need to perform rituals, each one a lifeline to safety for myself and my loved ones. From there, it spiralled into a web of compulsions that dictated every aspect of my life. Whether it was hundreds of repetitions that involved flicking light switches or taps, combing my hair, brushing my teeth, or getting into bed “perfectly”, I began to genuinely believe that my rituals were essential for maintaining safety and preventing pain. I convinced myself that by following these routines, I was creating a sanctuary free from suffering. However, I was only retreating further from the real world, unknowingly crafting a nightmare that would ensnare me for 27 long years.
As time passed, the grip of my rituals only tightened, suffocating me in a relentless pursuit of perfectionism. Despite my outward success – moving to London to pursue dance and later owning a ballet studio – inside, I was crumbling. Every mundane task became an ordeal, demanding thousands of repetitions to satisfy the relentless demands of my mind.
Closing the studio was a simple action on the surface – a flick of two switches, a lock of the door, and a walk down the stairs – but it took over an hour. I felt paralysed in an able body. Simple actions like walking through doors, climbing stairs, sitting, or even picking up a dinner plate became daunting tasks. Each day, I completed these tasks, but not without repeating them at least a hundred times, striving for an unattainable perfection in actions as mundane as sitting or walking.
Driven by fear and a profound lack of self-compassion, I found myself imprisoned by my own thoughts. All of these compulsions and rituals stemmed from a core of fear, a deficit of self-compassion, acceptance, and belonging. The inner journey toward freedom from these thoughts is profound and requires deep commitment and consistency, cultivating self-awareness to recognise when you’re being self-judgemental.
Yet, through unwavering determination and a commitment to inner healing, I discovered the transformative power of self-love and acceptance. By embracing practices of meditation and self-compassion, I began to unravel the chains of OCD that bound me.
It is possible to hold up a mirror and see ourselves in the true light of love, changing the pathways our brains have formed. In neuroscience, there’s a saying: ‘The same nerve cells that fire together wire together.’ We can indeed change our brains. When I attended a seminar with Dr Joe Dispenza and heard him use those words, I set to work immediately. Through loving meditations and self-acceptance, flooding my mind and body every second of every day, I went from performing thousands of rituals to none at all.
Now, having journeyed through the depths of my own struggles, I stand as a beacon of hope for others navigating similar paths. With a deep understanding born of personal experience, I guide fellow travellers towards acceptance and peace. Each moment of suffering has become a testament to the resilience of the human spirit, a reminder that even in our darkest hours, there is light to be found.
Over the years, I’ve worked in various countries, bridging the gap between science and spirituality. Now, at The Butterfly Sanctuary, we employ the Four Wings of Her Butterfly Method, a program I’ve founded, incorporating ERP (exposure and response prevention), meditation, neuroscience, and ACT (acceptance and commitment therapy). Through these approaches, we assist those struggling with OCD to embrace acceptance of intrusive thoughts, release fear, and ultimately find peace.
I am grateful for every moment of suffering. Through it all, I am reminded of the profound truth: that within every struggle lies the seed of our greatest strength. It’s time to shine a light on this DISease. With kindness and compassion, I extend my hand to all who walk this path, offering support and solidarity on the journey towards freedom. I send my love to all.
To learn more about Louise’s journey or for additional information and support, visit Thebutterflysanctuary.com.au
Words by Louise Keech
‘No mud, no lotus’ ~ Thich Nhat Hanh
