Tips to overcome that fraudulent feeling
Behind the façade of many a talented person lurks a conviction that they’re a fake – an inadequate, incompetent failure who’s just lucked in and landed a great job – and a fear they’ll soon be exposed. Impostor syndrome is real. And it’s preventing too many people from fulfilling their potential.
Follow these expert tips for overcoming imposter syndrome, and learn to appreciate your worth and talents:
Drop unrealistic expectations of yourself
Dr Valerie Young, author of The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women, says impostors tend to be perfectionists who struggle if they make mistakes. A big difference between an impostor and non-impostor is the latter can put mistakes into context whereas an impostor feels great shame. Acknowledge it’s okay to make mistakes. It doesn’t lessen your talent or ability. It just means you’re human.
Think different thoughts
‘There’s only one difference between impostors and non-impostors and that’s their thoughts,’ says Valerie. ‘Try to pay conscious attention to your thoughts when having an impostor moment. What standard and expectation are you holding yourself to overtly or covertly? ‘I should have…’. or ‘if I was really intelligent, capable and confident then I would know all the answers,’ or ‘I wouldn’t have made that mistake if I knew what I was doing,’ or ‘I shouldn’t have needed any help’. Try to reframe your thoughts to think like a non-impostor.
Bring presence to the situation
Amy Cuddy, author of Presence; Bringing Your Boldest Self to Your Biggest Challenges, says when you unite your body and mind, you can be your true authentic self. She defines presence as ‘when you are attuned to and are comfortably able to access and express your best qualities, your boldest self, your core values, your skills, your knowledge and your personality’. She points out that it’s about responding to what is actually happening in a situation rather than what you fear is happening. She recommends power poses, for example, standing hands outstretched, up in the air, or hands on hips in something of a Wonder Woman impersonation. These poses help to boost testosterone, lower cortisol and help to encourage confidence in the natural, talented self
Get to know your authentic self
Alice Irving, a woman’s coach who helps mid-career women to realise their full potential, recommends starting an inner dialogue with your authentic self so that you can practise showing up as your whole true person, rather than just the parts you perceive others will find acceptable.
She teaches women how to practise self-care, which is more than just going to bed early or buying a nice dress. ‘The beginnings of solid self-care are much more subtle than that,’ she says. What impostors need to do is notice, moment by moment, ‘What would feel good for me right now?’; ‘What would be nice for me right now?’; ‘How can I be kind to myself for the next minute?’; ‘What would be a great way for me to spend this last free half hour of my day?’ By listening to your authentic needs and desires you can move away from acting out of the fear of failure, or being found out.
Part of the solution is also to understand boundaries. This helps when it’s necessary to say no to a request – rather than saying yes to everything because you think it’s a necessary part of your façade.
Testimonial therapy
Ask clients, colleagues and friends for written feedback and spend time reading it. Allow it to sink in so you can start to feel your self-worth. ‘It’s all about being welcome in the world,’ says Alice, ‘and you can live your dreams, and be secure in your own individual gifts and talents, and what you have to contribute.’
