When Breathe celebrated its 50th edition, we explored why some people jump and shout at the chance to mark milestone birthdays, while others choose to keep them quiet. Discover how to mark birthdays in a way that feels right for you.
It could be said that birthdays are a bit like Vegemite – you either love them or hate them. For some, they’re the perfect excuse to get together with friends and family, perhaps over good food, a few drinks, or a day out, or maybe even to hold a fancy-dress party. But for every person who adores opening presents or blowing out candles on a customised cake while onlookers sing an out-of-tune rendition of Happy Birthday, there are countless others who abhor being the centre of attention, preferring instead to keep their date of birth under wraps.
At a push, they might plan a low-key event with a few cards or gifts from close friends or family – that’s if they choose to mark the occasion at all (heaven help anyone who organises a surprise party for them).
The emotional weight of big birthdays
When it comes to big birthdays, the stakes are higher. Across many cultures there’s a tendency towards acknowledging milestones. It could be coming of age at 16, 18, or 21. At the other end of the spectrum, 60, 65, or 70 might mark retirement from paid work. Special emphasis is also put on birthdays that mark the start of a new decade of life, with cards and balloons emblazoned with 30, 40, 80 or whatever the grand age.
And, of course, citizens of the Commonwealth can get a message from the King on their 100th birthday. But why are big days such an emotive topic? And why do feelings towards them vary so widely?
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A tradition with ancient roots
Birthdays are something every human on Earth has in common, though they carry greater significance in some cultures than others, and in countries where record-keeping isn’t standard, it’s possible for someone not to know their date of birth. The tradition of marking birthdays began in the earliest human societies.
In ancient Greece and Rome, it was traditional to give presents and throw parties to mark the birthdays of important people. Pagan and Celtic belief systems were organised around an annual calendar of festivals and feasting, where dates of birth were noted, particularly if they occurred around an auspicious time of year or celestial event. Candles would have been lit and offerings of food made. Early Christians saw birthdays as a pagan tradition to be avoided, but with the introduction of Christmas celebrations marking the birth of Jesus, attitudes changed. In more recent times, the widespread use of a universal calendar helped more people recognise and remember the dates of their children’s arrival into the world.
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Celebrations around the world
Although birthdays are marked all over the world, the way they’re celebrated differs depending on where you live.
The act of gathering loved ones together and tucking into a cake once the candles have been blown out is common. But other dishes also take centre stage. In South Korea, for example, a hearty seaweed soup might be served up for a child’s breakfast. In China, eating a long-noodle-laden dish is believed to symbolise the long life you have ahead of you. And in Australia, families often serve up fairy bread – buttered white bread sprinkled with tiny sugared beads called hundreds and thousands. The Swedes like to bake princess cakes, with layers of sponge, marzipan, and whipped cream, while in Mexico the common food of choice is arroz con leche, otherwise known as rice pudding.
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Time to reflect & reset
For many, birthdays are a cause for celebration for several reasons. Those that mark the start of a new decade represent a time for reflection, but also a fresh beginning and the progression into a new phase of life. Some choose to observe them by taking on challenges such as marathons, bungee jumps, or skydiving. They’re also a way of honouring ageing in a positive way. Milestone birthdays can be motivating – in the year leading up to them, a person might reassess previous achievements and set goals for the upcoming decade. And it’s not uncommon for people to set themselves personal, fitness, or wellbeing challenges in their 39th, 49th, or 59th years, in a bid to be at their peak when they hit their milestone year.
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The pressure to celebrate
Not everyone finds a milestone birthday – or, indeed, any birthday – motivating or empowering. Some prefer to keep quiet about the whole thing for fear of having to endure a surprise party thrown by a well-meaning relative or open unwanted gifts. Birthdays can be a time of anxiety and pressure, too. Think of all the questions: Where are you going? What are you doing? Do you know what presents you’re getting? On they go. For anyone who blushes easily, is self-conscious in large groups, who’s been raised to believe it’s impolite to focus on a person’s age or considers it to be unimportant, it can be a nightmare scenario.
As a signal of the passing of another year, birthdays can also prompt a feeling of sadness and bring people down. Vanessa Van Edwards is founder of behavioural research company Science of People, based in Austin, Texas, and author of Captivate: The Science of Succeeding with People. She believes that birthday blues are more common than might be imagined and says the causes are a mixture of a reminder of the ageing process, social pressure, and a feeling of a lack of accomplishment or control.
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Letting go of expectations
‘There’s this unspoken idea surrounding birthdays – especially milestone birthdays – that they have to be big, exciting, or epic,’ says Vanessa. ‘This expectation alone can cause nerves and anxiety. There are also other expectations that don’t come close to reality – such as looking a certain way in time for your birthday, involving a large number of friends, going to the best restaurant, or receiving certain gifts.’
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New age, new perspective
Whether you love them or loathe them, Vanessa suggests shifting your mindset to help you make the most of birthdays, so they become a time for positive reflection and renewal. She says: ‘There are four questions I ask to deepen my learning and grow my understanding of myself, and every birthday I take out my journal and write my answers down [see overleaf]. Every birthday I learn something new about myself and feel a little more cheerful and grateful.’
She adds that it’s important to be gentle and kind to yourself if you do experience birthday blues – remind yourself that it’s perfectly normal and there are many people who feel the same. ‘If you want to celebrate big, small, or not at all, that’s your decision and you can verbalise your expectations. Your birthday comes once a year, so take charge and do what’s right – for you.’
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DID YOU KNOW?
A touch of red has graced every one of our 50 covers – a little thread connecting each edition, symbolising warmth, energy, and the heart of Breathe.
