Far from being bad for you, a touch of stress can help you feel good, achieve goals, and grow as a person
Stress – there’s plenty of information out there on the negative effects that too much tension can have on your body and mind. But what if an entirely stress-free existence turned out to be far from ideal? In fact, what if it wasn’t desirable at all?
Clinical psychologist Lisa Damour is aware of the harm that stress can cause when it’s chronic or traumatic. Lisa, who has a practice in Ohio, US, defines chronic stress as ‘stressful events that persist without a break’, while trauma is ‘an overwhelming, harrowing event’. But outside those responses, she believes that stress is a ‘growth-giving part of life’. Amy Morin, psychotherapist and author of 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do, agrees: ‘Sometimes, people want to eliminate all stress from their lives, but some stress is good for us.’
For one thing, small amounts of the stuff can create resilience by building a person’s ability to tolerate discomfort. This is important, says Lisa, because being 100 percent happy and calm all the time is an impossible standard to meet. ‘It’s problematic to suggest that good mental health should be defined as feeling calm and relaxed all of the time. That is not possible, necessary, or even healthy,’ she says. ‘Instead, we should define mental health as having the right feeling at the right time and being able to manage it effectively.’
Even a traditionally happy event, like getting married or bringing home a new baby, can present stressful moments. However, embracing a small amount of discomfort can help people prepare for whatever the future holds. And trying things that are slightly stressful can ultimately help a person achieve their personal and professional goals.
‘Doing uncomfortable things can help us sharpen our abilities – such as our emotion regulation skills,’ says Amy. ‘For example, when you’re in an uncomfortable situation, your brain might tell you to quit or you might think the anxiety you’re experiencing is a sign you can’t succeed.
‘But when you keep working toward your goal, despite those feelings, you build mental strength. You prove to yourself you’re stronger than you think and you’ll develop confidence that you can handle bigger challenges in future.’
Building mental strength
Hairstylist Caleigh learnt this first-hand when she opened her own salon last year. As a self-confessed introvert with mild social anxiety, she found the self-promotion that was necessary for her business to thrive stressful. ‘It goes against some of my core instincts, which are to stay in the background and not have any of the attention on me,’ she says. ‘But when you run your own business you have to force yourself to be comfortable being out there, especially when social media is now such a core part of marketing.’ Facing her fears made Caleigh realise that she was her own worst critic. ‘Every time I’ve been nervous to put myself out there, I’ve just decided to do it and see what happens. Each time I did, I’ve been met with overwhelming support.’
She says being bold and not letting social anxiety call the shots has built her mental strength and resilience. This and other stressors that come with being a small-business owner have taught her that ‘every time I come up against a hurdle and solve it, the less likely I am to run away from it’. Caleigh has also learnt that she performs a lot better under pressure. ‘With a small amount of stress, I suppose I’m thinking more consciously about my clients, making them feel comfortable, and listening to their needs. Maybe it’s because I’m trying to create a calm atmosphere to lower my own stress.’
A little of what you don’t like…
This tallies with a psychological principle called the Yerkes–Dodson law, which states that stress can improve performance, up to a point. ‘We actually perform a bit better when we’re in a heightened state of arousal – at least to an extent,’ Amy says. ‘A little anxiety will get your heart pumping and make you more alert so you might do better than if you had no stress at all.’ She warns, however, that there’s a tipping point: ‘Experiencing too much anxiety can put you in such a heightened state of alert that you can have trouble thinking and difficulty responding in a helpful manner.’
Reframing the way you think about stress has been shown to intensify its positive effect on performance. Harvard researchers put 50 study subjects in a situation designed to get their hearts racing and palms sweating. It involved being evaluated on their public-speaking skills, followed by a tricky test. Ahead of their speech, some of the participants were told to ignore the stress they felt.
Others were given no instructions and played video games while they waited. The remaining participants were told about the positive impacts of stress and how physical responses like a pounding heart had evolved to help boost how humans function in difficult times. Compared to the other subjects, the speeches from this last group were rated as better and they appeared more confident – they even smiled more.
Exposing yourself to healthy stress doesn’t mean diving headfirst into pressurised situations or biting off more than you can chew. It’s important these challenges lie just outside your comfort zone (see right), and it’s crucial to take existing commitments into account – so it probably wouldn’t be wise for someone already working 60-hour weeks to take on another big volunteer project. The best way to add healthy stress to your life is to do something that makes you feel ‘some mild discomfort’, says Amy.
This will vary from person to person. Some might baulk at the idea of meeting new people while others might be anxious when faced with a workout routine. She says: ‘When you discover something that you avoid doing because it’s uncomfortable, that’s what you want to tackle.’
A study in the journal Psychological Science found that trying things that challenge you can be good for your brain. The researchers found that older people who learnt new skills, like quilting or photography, experienced a bigger mental boost than those who did stimulating but familiar tasks, such as listening to classical music or solving word puzzles. They concluded that the enhancement zone, where peak learning happens, lies just beyond the comfort zone. Lisa agrees that it’s helpful to push past what feels comfortable.
‘People experience stress any time they’re working at the edge of their current capacity – also a time when we tend to expand that capacity,’ she says. ‘When an individual can weather the stressful event, they come away from it more capable and resilient.’
Stretch for the positive
According to Amy, new challenges help people to learn about themselves, others, and the world, and can help combat self-limiting beliefs. ‘You might consider yourself to be clumsy, or socially awkward, for example, but challenging yourself to do new things can help you see those labels aren’t true.’ She says the best source of healthy stress, whether social, emotional, physical, or financial, is doing something that stretches you in positive ways. ‘Creating new challenges for yourself could help you build the mental strength you need to reach your greatest potential.’
Positive stress challenges
It’ll be different for everyone, but the right challenge, according to Amy, will feel a little difficult.
Here are a few suggestions, but you can also design your own (see below):
- Shake up your morning routine. Wake up a little earlier than usual and make your bed right away.
- Stretch yourself socially. Reach out to fi ve people a week to say hello.
- Flex your fi nances. Try cutting out online shopping for one month, and see how much you can save.
- Set a fi tness goal. Train for a fun run or an obstacle race. Or buy a pedometer and set a target of walking
10,000 steps every day for a month. - Fight public-speaking fears. Off er to lead a meeting or give a presentation to a small group at work.
Or give a short toast at a family event or a friend’s birthday dinner.
If you’re struggling to decide what might work for you, or you’d prefer to design your own healthy stress challenge, ask yourself these questions:
- Which situations make me uncomfortable?
- What have I been avoiding that could add value to my life?
- What self-limiting beliefs do I hold? How could I challenge them?
- In which areas do I need to build mental strength?
- Have there been challenging situations in my past that led to growth? How were they helpful?
