When life feels overwhelming, finding clarity can seem impossible. Explore how to embrace uncertainty with patience and reflections and try our downloadable Mindful Clarity Activity to navigate what to do when you’re unsure.
Rushing decisions during challenges is common. A calmer, more effective approach is letting life unfold naturally.
If you have a tendency towards worry or rumination, then challenges or setbacks can send your mind into overdrive as it searches for a solution. After all, if you can solve the problem quickly, you’ll no longer have a problem. But approaching things with a calm, clear mind might be much better for your stress levels than allowing yourself to be sucked into a spiral of overthinking. It might seem counter-intuitive to take a step back and breathe when a complication arises, but if you’re willing to endure the discomfort of not knowing, sometimes, a solution will arrive when you stop actively striving for it.
In his book, The Untethered Soul: The Journey Beyond Yourself, author and motivational speaker Michael A Singer writes: ‘The truth is that most of life will unfold in accordance with forces far outside of your control, regardless of what your mind says about it.’ Sometimes, the trick is to be able to accept that you can’t fix everything straight away. There can be something very freeing in letting go and allowing life to evolve.
Why uncertainty feels uncomfortable
The human mind is extremely averse to ambiguity. The late psychologist Jerome Kagan suggested that resolving uncertainty was a key driver of human behaviour and people would work hard to eliminate the distress of the unknown. So, if you immediately go into problem-solving mode when a difficulty arises or you find yourself tossing and turning in the middle of the night, dwelling on whatever issues have arisen that day, don’t worry, you’re not alone.
Arie W Kruglanski, professor of psychology at the University of Maryland in the US, refers to this as a need to find cognitive closure – the urge to make decisions and carry out actions. Some of this stems from the ancient fight-or-flight response, when survival often depended on quick thinking and decision-making. But in modern times this rush to find instant answers can cause further anxiety. For some problems, there are no immediate solutions, so being determined to find one equals committing yourself to a needless spiral of overthinking and stress. In other instances, where action is required, the first solution you hit upon might not be the best one. Think about the times you’ve made a snap decision, only for a situation to change or for someone else to make a better suggestion.
It’s human nature to shy away from discomfort. People are programmed to avoid suffering and seek out pleasure. American author Neil Strauss summed it up when he wrote: ‘People go through so much pain trying to avoid pain.’ Acknowledging that emotions such as uncertainty, fear, and confusion do not feel nice is an important step towards freeing yourself from being governed by them. After all, it’s possible to accept a feeling without immediately acting on it.
How to sit with discomfort calmly
One of the keys to removing the pressure of problem-solving is learning to come to terms with the fact that you won’t always have the answers. Mental health advocate Lauren Sadowski runs a blog called It’s Gonna Be Okay and says it’s useful to remember that a lot of things in life – both physical and mental – are uncomfortable. Resisting, or trying to ignore or suppress unpleasant feelings by immediately attempting to resolve the situation that’s causing them, leaves you at the mercy of your emotions. Instead, Lauren suggests taking the first step to sitting with your discomfort by observing the feeling: ‘Once you notice that you’re uncomfortable, you get to decide what happens next,’ she explains. ‘If you choose to acknowledge the feeling, then you can eventually move past it. As time passes, your anxiety and stress will decline.’ She also says that one of the keys to feeling more relaxed with challenging emotions is to focus on what’s going on in the present moment. When presented with a problem that can’t be solved immediately or faced with thoughts that go round and round in circles, try focusing on the here and now. If a worry or problem feels all-encompassing, for example, it can be useful to gain perspective by concentrating on other areas or people in your life. Lauren adds: ‘Know that the future is full of pleasant things and this painful moment will pass.’
See challenges clearly with perspective
Letting your problems breathe can be a useful tool for gaining perspective. Of course, there will always be crises and flashpoints in life that require immediate action. But day-to-day challenges might benefit from a more measured approach, and some dilemmas need such sensitive handling that the worst thing to do would be to rush your response.
It brings to mind the old saying, “Can’t see the forest for the trees”, which means being so flustered or focused on the immediate details that it’s impossible to take a step back and assess the full picture.
Overthinking problems might sometimes give an illusion of control, but it can lead to poorer decisions, because the situation is being viewed through a narrow lens. The late author and media mogul Al Neuharth once said: ‘The difference between a mountain and a molehill is your perspective.’
Give yourself time to find solutions
Effective solutions rarely arise from obsessive thinking or occur at three in the morning, so let yourself off the hook.
No one knows what’s around the corner or how other people are going to react to any difficulties they might face. The answer could be a phone call away, or a change in circumstances might make a predicament that once seemed insurmountable completely dissolve.
So, instead of striving to overcome every issue the moment it arises, try to sit with the discomfort of not knowing, give yourself the gift of a clearer head and calmer mind, and wait for the future to unfold.
Ready to navigate uncertainty? Download our Mindful Clarity activity below.
DOWNLOAD YOUR MINDFUL CLARITY ACTIVITY
WORDS: Jade Beecroft
