Breathe explores the uncertainty around new things, and how to get comfortable with being uncomfortable
New things can cause apprehension. Whether it’s purchasing a house, attending the wedding of someone you barely know, giving a presentation, or joining a yoga class instead of just talking about it, the unfamiliar generally makes our brains spike with anxiety. And this can be tough when life is full of so many new things.
A mother-of-two recently said this to me: ‘I keep waiting for a stretch of time where I can relax, but then I get disappointed that there’s never a time like that anymore. Life just keeps on hitting me with new stuff.’ She’s not alone. Many people master the challenges life throws at them, feel a brief sense of relief, then are immediately faced with a fresh task demanding different skills. Cue more panic. It’s almost like there’s a new-circumstance roller-coaster and it seems impossible to stop and get off the ride. It’s a situation often fed and exacerbated by the high expectations people have of themselves to conquer new challenges quickly and easily. And when they fall short of these self-imposed standards, they might make themselves feel bad about it.
One of the ways to stop that roller-coaster ride is to replace negative self-talk and criticism with positive phrases. These could be: “I’m learning something new” or “I’m figuring stuff out.” Another one might be: “I’m sure I’ll get the hang of this soon enough because I’ve learned new skills before.”
However, given that life so frequently places fresh hurdles in our path, is it possible to get comfortable with feeling uncomfortable?
HERE ARE SIX STRATEGIES THAT CAN BE EFFECTIVE:
- Accept that new things make you feel uncomfortable. This also means accepting you are human and that you won’t always be perfect at everything (whatever perfect means anyway). The sooner you appreciate this, the sooner it’s possible to pull back and gain a kinder perspective on the situation. In other words, it will help to diminish the power that an impending presentation has on your mood.
- Take the first step towards a new activity. Walking out the front door to try an unfamiliar pastime, sport, or skill is where most people get stuck, even when it has the potential to be fun or exciting. It can seem easier to embark on a night of social media scrolling or binge-watching a must-see series, but fresh challenges create room for personal growth, which is an essential part of the human experience. If you can get out of the door, you’re on your way, and new things are rarely as daunting as feared.
- Use your sense of humour. While you don’t have to aim for becoming a stand-up comedian, making yourself laugh about feeling uncomfortable is a useful coping mechanism. Look for something funny or absurd about your situation and write it down in a journal. Keep this with you and read it often. Laughing can make you feel more positive about getting through something awkward.
- Ride it out. Go into the uncomfortable feeling and breathe. Say to yourself, “breathing in” and take a breath in, then say “breathing out”, and exhale. This can be effective at providing calm and clarity when you feel embarrassed, shy, or socially awkward. Acknowledge the feeling – allow it to exist in the moment – then breathe it out and allow it to fade.
- Keep in mind that all feelings are temporary. The awkward moment in front of a crowd, the fear when the mic is passed to you by a colleague at an office retreat, the apprehension of starting a new job – this will all pass. Feelings are temporary. And it’s likely that your next emotion will be better than the one you’re experiencing now.
- Remember that when something no longer feels new, it no longer feels as uncomfortable. When you’re beyond the point where something feels unfamiliar, you learn to adjust and feel comfortable again. It will happen. Just give it time. Of course, life will soon present a fresh challenge or activity to spice up your routine once more, and you’ll have to read this article again. But by then it will feel more comfortable.
