Worries – like a dispute at work or concern for a loved one – are worth sharing with trusted friends. But when it turns into dumping, it can be a heavy load to carry. Learn how to spot the signs.
It isn’t always easy, but there are ways to gauge if a person’s behaviour veers from venting into dumping. There are also cues that might signal if you’re the one overloading others. Here, Balbir and Baksho share their thoughts.
If someone’s dumping on you, they might:
- Talk about the same thing over and over again.
- Continue to behave in the same way to the people causing them distress.
- Speak only about themselves while disregarding your feelings and asking nothing about your life.
- Cast blame on others.
- Use rapid and continuous speech.
- Ignore suggestions or advice.
- Leave you feeling stressed and frustrated.
If you’re emotionally dumping on others, your listener might:
- Appear distracted, fidget, and avoid eye contact.
- Keep trying to change the topic or move the conversation on, as you focus solely on yourself and your own problems, mostly in a negative way.
- Decide to stop seeing you, as your behaviour leaves them feeling distressed.
- Excuse themselves from conversations where you are involved.
Still not sure?
Balbir and Baksho suggest pondering the following questions to see if you might be unintentionally overloading others with your emotions:
- Am I always negative and blaming?
- Am I always talking about myself and my experiences?
- Do I feel that people are avoiding me?
- Am I avoiding difficult emotions and situations and offloading onto others instead?
- Do I feel overwhelmed and unable to regulate my emotions?
- Are there things in my life that I’m not taking ownership for?
- Are there things I’m happy to tell someone else about but can’t deal with myself?
- Am I being passive in certain situations and releasing those emotions on other people?
WORDS: Kim Bansi
