You might be great at advising others, but do you practise what you preach?
While dispensing words of wisdom can be an act of care and often go off without a hitch (with your loved ones thanking you for it), this might not always be the case. This isn’t said to put you off giving advice – far from it. Rather, it’s to recognise the courage, empathy, and love involved in these efforts and suggest that you look after yourself in the same manner. In other words, you deserve the same attentive treatment you give others, and importantly, you’re in a position to provide it.
It can, of course, be difficult to know the difference between good advice and bad, regardless of whether you’re giving or receiving it, but most would agree that “be kind to yourself” and “listen to your body” are sound statements. They could well have passed your own lips in the past. Yes, they’re platitudes, but in the right hands, they carry weight. So, the question is: do you practise what you preach? When you’ve sat down with someone and tactfully suggested they take care of themselves, that they’d benefit from a good night’s sleep or a relaxing hour in the bath, have you ever spared a thought for your own wellbeing? Have you actually tried following your own suggestions? Not always? Join the (crowded) club.
It’s not an uncommon trait – I certainly have it in spades. Many of the articles I’ve written proffer suggestions on the theme of self-care, yet I’ve been known not to heed my own advice. Some days, it’s even left me wondering if I should be sharing my views when I can’t adhere to them in real life. If this sounds familiar, don’t worry. And don’t criticise or accuse yourself of hypocrisy either, as that would be counterproductive. Acknowledge this is normal behaviour, it’s OK, and it doesn’t mean you have to relinquish your advisory role, so long as you’re happy doing it.
The position is difficult enough without the added burden of the can-dish-it-out-but-can’t-take-it mentality. It can also be helpful to establish a check system in your mind where you analyse advice you give to others, run it against your own previous behaviour and see if there are any matches.
Let’s say, for example, you’ve suggested to a close friend that they need a destressing pamper day. Ask yourself if this is something you’ve ever practised. If the answer is yes and you’ve spent time focusing on yourself and your needs, that’s great. If it’s no, you could explore why you haven’t done this. Is it that your stress levels haven’t ever reached a point where you needed serious time out? Or have you omitted to look out for yourself? If it’s the latter, it might be time to follow some of your own advice. That bubble bath won’t run itself!
Those who fail to practise what they preach, whether wittingly or unwittingly, will have their own reasons for doing so. Many will be valid, but some might come from the subconscious, an element of self-doubt, a voice in their head saying they haven’t earned it, or that they’re not worth it – neither of which stacks up. If this sounds like you, remember you are just as worthy of wise and kind words to live by as the next person. It doesn’t matter if these words come from you or someone else.
By giving yourself the permission and self-respect to lead by example, you give yourself a big proverbial hug and build on your sense of empathy and understanding, all of which will feed into your ability to be an effective advice-giver in return. It’s a win on all fronts.
DO YOU HEED YOUR OWN ADVICE?
Consider some of the suggestions you’ve made for others to follow. Have you tried applying any of them to your own life? If not, could you? Here are four examples of how you might use tips you give to others:
- Advice: I told my sister about the benefits of meditation and recommended that she try it. Benefit to my life: I can’t remember the last time I meditated, it would be nice to find the time to do it again. I’m going to set aside 30 minutes on the weekend when I close the bedroom door, sit comfortably, and quieten my racing thoughts.
- Advice: I suggested to a colleague at work that he talk openly to his partner about their problems, making sure to listen to them fully. Benefit to my life: I realise a relationship with a colleague has become tense, but I’m not sure why. It would actually make sense to talk to them without any need for blame or judgement.
- Advice: I mentioned to my friend that she should try to find more time to read since she enjoys it so much. Benefit to my life: I’d forgotten how much I like reading, too, and how calming and therapeutic it can be. I’ll aim to go to bed 30 minutes earlier and start a new book.
- Advice: I reminded Dad of the importance of taking time off, as he’s been working flat out for months without a break. Benefit to my life: I’ve also been working non-stop recently, and it’s tiring me out. I’ll take some time off next week to give myself a rest.
