A habit of always fearing what might go wrong is both exhausting and joy-stealing. Thankfully, there are ways to break the cycle of concern and find more space for bliss. Explore five simple techniques to bring more peace into your day.
1 Take control of your focus
At the end of the 19th century, American psychologist William James came up with the metaphor of a spotlight to explain how human attention works. A person has some control over their spotlight – they might choose to direct it at a book on their lap or to look out of a window – but the spotlight can be hijacked by a blinding flash of light or a sudden shadow. These automatic responses have evolved as a means of protection. Excessive worrying negatively biases the focus of human attention, making it more likely that things will be seen as potential threats.
To stabilise your attention, become aware of where your spotlight goes. When you find yourself worrying, consciously redirect your attention to something more calming. It might be looking at clouds, for example, with their soft blurry edges as they slowly drift across the sky.
2 Reframe negative thoughts for balance
Allow yourself to imagine how the situation would be if everything worked out just fine, or better than fine. Think about it. How much of your time has been spent dreaming up the many ways in which things could go wrong? How vividly can you picture those scenes? How do you feel as you do that? Worried?
Remember that when you imagine something happening, it lights up the same neural pathways that would be activated if it were occurring in real life. So, you could, for example, build some neural networks around being safe and happy. Every time you find yourself worrying, balance it out by using that same imagination to conjure up a result where there is a positive outcome. This might feel difficult to do at first – you are building a new neural network, after all – but it becomes easier over time.
3 Set boundaries for worry
Habits can be tough to break, especially worry, which can feel important. So, instead of fighting the urge, allocate a period of time each day to ponder those troubling thoughts. If you find yourself fretting outside of that time, be firm and tell yourself you’ll deal with it at the appropriate point. You might want to keep a list. But if there’s a likelihood that you’ll forget what was bothering you, you might question whether this is necessary.
4 Fact-check anxious thoughts
Many people avoid being too positive because they believe it’s important to be honest with themselves. Instead they end up telling themselves frightening untruths about what’s likely to happen.
When you find yourself worrying, ask yourself: “Is that really true? Is it factual? Is it provable?” Then shift your thought to something more truthful and more compassionate.
5 Separate yourself from fear
It can help to get some distance. Remember, thoughts are just thoughts. Instead of thinking, “I’m going to fail this interview”, try “I’m having worrying thoughts about failing this interview”. This subtle distinction reinforces the separation between you and your fears.
Ready to break free from worry? Download your bonus printable exercise below to explore your feelings of worry and break the pattern.
